Why do I keep putting effort into something that won’t change.

I can’t say enough how much I love you. This love that I have for you is more than I’ve felt for anyone. In the 7-8 months we have known each other you have changed me for a better person and I can say that with confidence. You have made me care more about other people, myself, and about you. You teach me something new everyday and I’m so grateful for that and you. The most important thing I think you’ve taught me is to open myself up and share my feelings. It’s definitely a new thing for me and it’s hard, but it’s a lot better then bottling things up until I break down. My head is flooding with a million reasons why I love you and why I care for you, but I can’t quite get them all out here. Just know that I love you and I’m not going anywhere. I’ll always be here when you need me. I love you, only 25 more days.

Fuck, why am I sitting here crying about something so stupid? I should be happy right now. 

That awesome moment when you ask a close friend what’s wrong when they spent the whole day before crying and wouldn’t talk to anyone, you walk up to them and they start telling someone else who cares way less and they don’t even like, what was wrong. Cool. Its not like I tried to help or anything. Fuck, that makes me feel just amazing. Jesus. What’s going on with my friends?

At this second, I don’t give an absolute fuck about a single thing going on around me.

I have decided I will still primarily be a black and white blogger because I’ve gotten really used to it, but I will also be blogging whatever the fuck else I feel like blogging which may include cars, cats and pictures of my boyfriend. Okay.

I can be giving all I have AND then some and somehow it’s still not good enough and I’m the shitty one. Okay that’s fine.. not.

Today has just been straight fucked up.

I can’t make you feel better cause I’m not fucking there and it’s killing me. But I just want you to talk to me and maybe and I can try.. I don’t know..

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Went to a big party last night and I come in and sit down and this guy that used to hit me up big time was sitting next to me and I didn’t even realize. It was mad awkward, but things got a lot better later on. Overall it was a good night though. (:

Spent too much money today. Bought silver spider earrings from Goldfield, got a PTV shirt, two pairs of 7/16 tunnels, and two pairs of boots. Oh, and me and my mom went in this crazy illusion house tour. Merp. :3

It’s crazy how much works out between Grant and I.

The fact that I can call him just to tell him I’m okay.